Sunday, May 9, 2010
Calling all mothers!
Hi, my name is Melissa and I am a mother. My daughter was born in the summer of 2009 and is the joy of my life. When I became pregnant I was beyond happiness, elated, beside myself. I may not have been completely ready (but who ever is) and I was never afraid to become a mother (terrified of the actually birthing process). I suppose the reason for this was in my mind I pictured that becoming a mother entitled me to a few things absolutely and automatically:
1) Immense wisdom, knowledge, and patience upon delivery.
2) Pure happiness and fulfillment at every turn.
Okay, okay, perhaps I didn't feel exactly those things, but I sure didn't expect to find myself lacking in either of these areas. Over the past several month (particularly after becoming a full time, stay-at-home mom) I have found myself struggling with these assumed aspects in different ways. There are times when I don't know if I am doing enough for my daughter, or if I am doing too much. Motherhood is the great balancing act. There are no right answers, everyone has an opinion but one person's method is another person's undoing. I find myself wracked with guilt in one moment and pleased with myself in the next. Perhaps I sound a bit crazy (and maybe I am). I assume I am not unique and that every mother struggles with some aspect of motherhood.
I have been surprised at how utterly lonely motherhood can be at times. No living being will ever love your child in the very same way that you do. They are your flesh, your hope, your legacy. In that way, your very private thoughts and feeling will only truly be between you and God. I wanted to start a blog that will help to alleviate some of the lonely aspects of motherhood, where people can go to feel uplifted to share wisdom and gain knowledge. To find respect and compassion and love, and support from fellow mommies.
Even as I type I worry that people will look at me and think I'm unhappy or unfulfilled. Each of these assumptions would be incorrect. I am very lucky to have a healthy, happy daughter, a wonderful, supportive husband who goes above and beyond the call of duty as husband and father. I am fortunate to be able to stay home since that is my desire and choice. It is a wonderful life but sometimes I feel, in some ways, like I have lost my voice, and I know I can't be the only mother to ever experience that feeling.
Today is my very first Mother's Day. Today I celebrate my mother, and my daughter. I dedicate this blog to them. To my mom who loved me perfectly, and my daughter who is teaching me to love perfectly--and to all of you mothers who are just trying to do your best for your children.